Personally Speaking

So I’m cruising through Yahoo Personals and I’m noticing that a lot of women have posted pictures of themselves with friends. This can be awfully confusing for a bachelor, since there are ten blonds in the shot and I don’t know which one is supposed to be the future-love-of-my-life-who-I-am-going-to-meet-on-the-internet. But this raises an important question. What is the etiquette on responding to a personal ad and writing, “Hi. You are totally not my type (btw, there are two s’s in passionate), but I was wondering if the brunette on your right in picture #3, the one in the little black dress, is single”? Was that wrong of me? I mean, would that be wrong of me?

I am also more than a little worried about the lack of sales skills possessed by the women who live within 15 miles of Manhattan Beach, CA. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of the saying, “Under promise, over deliver”?! If a single lady is going to describe herself as “sexy” or “very attractive,” I think she should come within a long distance phone call of those characteristics. Fellas, here’s a word to the wise: if a woman you fancy checks the box for “Pets” and doesn’t specifically mention her dog in her personal description, that is chick code for “CCO” (Crazy Cat Owner).

And who knew there were so many women who can have fun watching sports all day at a dive bar and then throw on a gown licketysplit for a formal event that evening? I can’t get a date out of the house in under 45 minutes to go to a movie. And nobody seems to smoke, which is strange since I’ve never seen a bar in LA whose entry lacks for skinny women feeding their nicotine fix.

I’m checking out J-Date, next. I hear there are a lot of princesses who like their guys goy.