AP - NCAA hits ESPN with violations

Bristol, CT - Just months after hiring Lou Holtz as an in-studio commentator, ESPN has received a letter from the NCAA, citing the sports television behemoth for several major violations. Surprisingly, none of these included blatant overestimation of opponents or failure to throw to the tight end, according to a source speaking on condition of anonymity.
"This is a shock to all of us," the network said in an issued statement. "We can't figure out what is suddenly different now, compared to the previous 25 years at ESPN." The network added that it is cooperating fully with the NCAA's investigation.

When reached for comment, former national championship coach Lou Holtz stated, "Ith this an unbelievable cointhidence, or what?"

Having coached at William and Mary, Arkansas, Minnesota, Notre Dame and, most recently, South Carolina, Holtz created a legacy of turning losers into winners through a combination of staunch defense, ball control offense and a lot of cheating. The latter four schools were all placed on NCAA probation shortly after his departure. W&M might have been, too, if anyone cared.